(no subject)
Jun. 3rd, 2009 12:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kellan_the_tabby...so yeah, I'm not doing A Beastly Tournament.
I leave for Lilies in just over a week. I'm exhausted, and feel like I'm coming down with something. I still have a shitpot of prep work to do. And I just now actually checked the event site; it's an eleven hour drive each way.
That's two hours more than I'd estimated it at, and nine each way was really going to be pushing it, especially for the ride home.
I am cranky about this. I'm letting these folks down; it's a tiny incipient group and I love supporting them. I have so much fun at these tiny events -- I loved the one last summer in Hinterland (which I posted about here). It's in a national park in the desert in New Mexico, which is probably _gorgeous_.
If it weren't the weekend before Lilies...if I'd checked far enough ahead of time to try to arrange crash space partway there...if I weren't already exhausted and strung out...
*sighs*
I've been pushing myself too hard. Tim keeps telling me so, and he's right; and I try to take time off, but it's really hard. There's so much to do, and most of it, I'm the only one who can do it. And I don't dare stop now, when I'm _so_close_ to this being enough to live on. SO CLOSE.
But if I work myself into a breakdown, it's not going to work at all.
So I'm staying home this weekend. And yeah, I'll still be working my butt off, but it'll make it a little easier.
...so why do I feel like a slacker?
I leave for Lilies in just over a week. I'm exhausted, and feel like I'm coming down with something. I still have a shitpot of prep work to do. And I just now actually checked the event site; it's an eleven hour drive each way.
That's two hours more than I'd estimated it at, and nine each way was really going to be pushing it, especially for the ride home.
I am cranky about this. I'm letting these folks down; it's a tiny incipient group and I love supporting them. I have so much fun at these tiny events -- I loved the one last summer in Hinterland (which I posted about here). It's in a national park in the desert in New Mexico, which is probably _gorgeous_.
If it weren't the weekend before Lilies...if I'd checked far enough ahead of time to try to arrange crash space partway there...if I weren't already exhausted and strung out...
*sighs*
I've been pushing myself too hard. Tim keeps telling me so, and he's right; and I try to take time off, but it's really hard. There's so much to do, and most of it, I'm the only one who can do it. And I don't dare stop now, when I'm _so_close_ to this being enough to live on. SO CLOSE.
But if I work myself into a breakdown, it's not going to work at all.
So I'm staying home this weekend. And yeah, I'll still be working my butt off, but it'll make it a little easier.
...so why do I feel like a slacker?
no subject
Date: 2009-06-04 08:38 am (UTC)I'm just guessing.