(no subject)

i'm just so tired

WHICH it turns out is because IN ADDITION to having asthma, i also have lost some lung function due to living in:

1) Bethlehem, PA, in the smoke cloud of Bethlehem Steel;

2) the 'Orrible Ex's grandparents old house that he bought, which, i found out after i left his ass, had sort of a toxic waste dump in the basement; AND

3) the House of Gaslighting & Cat Pee.

so when breathing is hard, once gets tired, because, as it turns out, you can't just stop for a while to get a damn break.

so yeah i have some opinions about this, which basically boil down to 'this sucks' & also 'no FUCKING wonder'. part of me of course is having the usual conversation in my head with my mom in which no matter what i say she just tells me that if i just lost some weight blar blar blar. i just, i LIKE walking, i want to be able to go walking, it's just that breathing.

pleh.

EDITED TO ADD that my thumb is now slightly out of joint & won't go back in WHERE ARE OUR ROBOT BODIES